Mother Mary's Garden,

The Returning

When I first read Mother Mary's book, Master Keys to the abundant Life, I did not get much out of it. I had read a section per day and contemplated her words throughout the day, but I was still not getting much out of it. I knew to keep on reading her book in sections, because I knew that I was learning more from it at inner levels than what my waking consciousness was ready for. So, I just kept on reading a section a day. I eventually started reading a chapter a day still knowing that I was learning more at inner levels than what my outer consciousness was ready for.

I kept reading from others of the things that they were getting from the book and here I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me that I wasn't getting what they were from reading Mother Mary's book. I did Love reading the book and I could identify with what I was learning from it, it just wasn't life changing for me. I knew how I felt about all the teachings from the Masters from their websites, but why was I not getting much from Mother Mary's book? It confused me so much.

When I first found the Ask Real Jesus website, I fell in love with the teachings and I felt like I found my long lost brother, Jesus. When I came across the section of Mother Mary's, oh I felt like a happy bomb was going to go off in me and I could feel this excitement of this over flowing emotions of gratitude. I found my family, and I found Home. I read and read and read for days on end and I just soaked up all these new teachings I found. When I started getting the books in the mail from Shangra la, I couldn't put the books down. I have read the Way book so many times and have studied it and still use it as my guide for uncovering blocks. With every new thing that comes up in my life, I know that what is in the Way book will help me overcome these feelings and surrender them, so instead of me picking up the Master Keys to the Abundant Life book, I would pick up and read from The Way instead.

When I started giving Mother Mary's rosaries I felt good inside knowing that I was helping the Masters bring in the Golden Age, and helping to raise the Mass consciousness. In the beginning, I was not giving the rosaries for myself, I couldn't do it due to feeling that it would be selfish of me to pray for myself, because life is about giving, not getting. But I eventually learned that it is not selfish to want to give prayers for yourself, and that what you do for another, you can do for yourself. It was very hard at first, but I did start to add in the personal prayer parts of little prayers for myself, which the first thing I prayed for myself was to surrender the feelings of selfishness of praying for myself and over time I was working little by little of uncovering these blocks in my life, working through them and then finally surrendering them, one by one surrendering them.

I grew up in a severely abusive home, and during my childhood years I was not allowed to express my feelings due to severe punishment if I did, so I had numbed my feelings out to where I felt nothing at all. But those feelings I had were still there, they were just suppressed and stayed that way for years and all throughout my adulthood. So when I started adding personal prayers for myself to the rosaries, I found that there were all types of feelings coming up in me, which was emotional pain that I had bottled up from years ago. I never dealt with my past before and never felt the need to until these feelings started coming up. I felt the rosaries were doing more harm than good. lol But I kept on giving the rosaries, learning from the Masters' teachings, and I kept on talking and working through these feelings about how I was feeling and the things I lived through and I learned that with each part of my past that was coming up which was one at a time, I was learning to overcome the shame, the guilt and the embarrassment. It seemed it was never going to end and it felt I was taking more steps backwards than forwards.

I had faith that the Masters were directing this healing that was taking place in me and that these feelings had to come up, because you can not give away what you don't own. You can't surrender something that you don't know is there.

When I finally reached the last major hurdle from my past, I felt like the last bit of shame, guilt, embarrassment had finally been exposed and surrendered. I felt free from my past and free from the emotional damage it had done to my soul, and that I could finally surrender what was left of my ego, because by exposing those things that are shameful to you, is going against what your ego wants you to do which is hide those things that are shameful to you.

I started reading the Master Keys to the abundant life again, but this time I was getting so much out of the book that I could not put it down. I was having these Ah-Ha moments left and right. I had continued to give rosaries and it was much easier for me to surrender feelings that were coming up, because the shame of having these feelings was gone from my being. I was finally able to feel what others had when they had been reading the book.

I know why I didn't get as much from the book the first time around, which was because I was not ready for what Mother Mary had to offer from her book, because of how much clutter was in my four lower bodies. The rosaries were helping to remove this clutter, and once that clutter was removed to a large degree, I was able to see and take in what Mother Mary had to offer from her book.

There was one exercise from the book that I started doing, which is sitting in a chair looking out over this calm lake with a bit of mist over the water, with trees around this lake with a mountain view across from the lake. The weather is warm and sunny but with a few fluffy clouds in the sky and you can see the reflection of the clouds and part of the mountain in the water through the mist. As I was reading this, I could see and really feel as though I was there sitting in the chair and just felt calm and at peace inside as I was just soaking up the beauty of where I was at in my minds eye. I could hear the birds singing and chirping as they were flying over the water and flying from tree to tree. The sun shining, but not so bright that it caused for me to squint my eyes. I knew and could sense God standing behind me. I felt protected and at peace knowing He was standing behind me. I had spent time every day for a week focusing on seeing this vision from my third eye before I went onto the next part of the exercise. But I kept on reading Mother Mary's book and giving the rosaries.

When I finally went on to the next part of the exercise, I would write down words that would come to my mind, which was failure, disappointed, abandoned, unloved, forgiveness, anger, rejection, persecuted, crucified, tortured, and fear. I thought that it was weird that these words would come to mind, what about positive words? Does this mean that these are things that are negative in me and I need to surrender them? I was confused by these words that I had received.

I knew I Loved God more than anything and there is nothing I would not do for God. I went on faith thinking that these must be unconscious feelings I have and they need to be surrendered. So when I finally stood up and turned around and saw God, the feelings of the words I had written down were coming up in me and then I heard "See and Surrender." I realized that what was and had been standing in the way of my relationship with God were the words that I had received.

The rosaries I had been giving after all this time had been bringing up these feelings in me so that I could clear out my four lower bodies and be ready for that moment when I finally stood before God and all that work I had done to heal my psychology all led up to that one moment of being with God. And that one moment, I learned of the original decision I had made that caused for me to fall in consciousness and what gave birth to my ego.

When I had first learned that we need to go back to when we made that first decision that caused our fall from the garden of eden, I felt discouraged of how I could ever possibly find out what caused for me to make that original decision from possibly thousands of lifetimes ago and even from millions of years ago. In my mind, it was impossible.

But it had been staring me in the face this entire lifetime but I could not see it. I learned that our original decision that caused us to fall in consciousness is basically replayed for us in each lifetime in hopes that we can see through it and rise above that state of consciousness we took on from lifetimes ago. When I was finally able to see this and how it totally made sense, I felt like I had won a major victory in my life, a major victory of taking a step up the spiral staircase taking me closer to my victory in the Light.

Those feelings I had created from when I first fell in consciousness had been recreated through experiences I had during every lifetime I have had on this planet, with the hopes that I would see through to the root cause for what caused for the feelings to have been created in the first place.

I had volunteered to come to this Planet thousands, maybe millions of years ago to bring the Light to this Planet, to be a testimony for God, to let my Life be an example for others to follow, and to Let my Light Shine to all mankind. I came here with others to help in the raising of the consciousness of this planet, but when I came here I met opposition to the Light that was in me. Those who hated the Light, hated me and hated the God that I was being a testimony to. I was persecuted, tortured, cast out, mocked, condemned, and crucified over and over and over again and to such a point that fear had taken over me and to such a point that I could not continue to let my Light Shine and I went into hiding my Light. I withdrew myself from all those who opposed the Light in fear of being treated the way I had been treated by them. I went as far as denying that I was a daughter of God, and even denied at times that I even believed in God just so I would not be persecuted and tortured any more. But even then, I AM Who I AM and my drive for what I came here to do on this Planet was to let my light shine and to be an example, and I kept letting that Light shine through me, even at times when I didn't want it to, it was still seen and I was still persecuted.

The decision I had made that caused me to fall in consciousness was due to fear of being persecuted and crucified for Being who I AM, which gave birth to my ego. I took on feelings within myself that caused me to feel that God had stopped his Love for me, that He abandoned me and I was not being protected by God, and my feelings turned to anger towards God. I felt rejected not only by mankind, but also by God. I felt that all these terrible things I had lived through and experienced that caused for these feelings to come up in me, made me feel as though I couldn't belong on this Planet. I felt very much alien to this planet and I have always been homesick and that I just want to go Home, back home to God.

But what I know is that my Love for God has always been strong, and I can't hide who I AM, even though I have tried in the past, which you can't hide your Light from the dark forces, because they will use people and they will beat you down until you make the decision to stop letting your Light shine in fear of being crucified for Being who You are and that is Being I AM.

The birth of my ego was the need to protect that Light that I brought to this world, to protect my soul from being harmed any more, but as long as that ego was still there, I could not feel and be at one with God. To know that God was my protector and not my ego. During the retreat in Chicago, I had done this spiritual exercise with Lucia and part of it was for me to do these visualizations and to let her know what I saw and experienced. At one point in the visions I was having, I had seen this black hairy looking tarantula, I could see it was blocking my view of whatever was behind it. I couldn't figure out what and why it was there. I had thought about what this tarantula might represent and maybe it could be a demon or some kind of entity that was blocking me from knowing something I needed to know or see about myself.

When I was doing more of these visualizations with being at the lake with God, I discovered that that black hairy looking tarantula was like a guard dog that was protecting my soul from being hurt, I had created the most ugliest looking thing that would scare off any one who came near me that wanted to steal my Light or to harm my soul. I still had other ways of protecting myself and my soul which was building this wall around me that was created out of ego to protect me even more.

When I was with God at the lake, I surrendered that creation of the tarantula to God, I saw it run out of me and run into the trees. I saw that God was happy and laughing about this and I felt that God was Proud of me that I came Home to him, he just kept hugging me and welcoming me Home and telling me how much he Loved me and that I never once disappointed him and that he knew I always did the best I could. He told me that he knew it wouldn't be easy for me, but he believed in me. It was as if all these words I had always wanted to hear were being told to me.

I didn't feel sad or hurt or had any emotional pain from this, because I felt the same way about Him. I felt I had returned Home to God. I still have areas in my life that I'm still healing from, but God in me is the one who is doing the healing and guiding me to places for that healing to take place. I Love God with all My heart and with all my soul, and where ever I AM so is God and God in me is My Home. I AM Home.

Mother Mary's book Master Keys to the Abundant life is not about Money, is not about the abundance you can have from the material world. Its about learning of who you are and Being More of who You are, and uncovering the blocks that have kept us from returning to our oneness with God. If anyone who is willing to do the work that Mother Mary gives you in her new book, and you replace the false beliefs with the teachings she gives you from her book, you too will discover the real you and you too will be able to uncover the blocks that keep you from being all that You are and More.

Love,
Janise

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